Not So Gorgeous

But let’s just set up the mood:  Today I had a dream that I was driving in the dark and saw a kitten that had been run over.  Seeing it move just a little, I jumped out of my car and touched it, only to realize that it had lost almost half its body and would not make it.  So I cried about not knowing how to help it and held it until the poor thing died, at night, on some random street.

Yeah, that’s basically how I feel.  I don’t even want to go into the Freudian aspects of it.

(Although, I totally would have done that in real life)

You know that scene in the previously  reviewed (500) Days of Summer where we see what Tom expects to happen on a split screen with reality?  If I could illustrate my point in that way, I would.  But, alas, WordPress doesn’t have columns.

Things My Mother Has Told Me So Far Today (aka things I generally hear on a day-to-day basis):

1.  You’re my bad karma

2.  You are ruining your life

3.  You’re a joke

4.  You’re really stupid

5.  You’re all talk

6.  You act like a bigshot

7.  I’m tired of you

8.  We should have sent you away

9.  Don’t ask me for anything

10.  Don’t talk to me

11.  Nobody is going to take you seriously

12.  You’re bringing the whole family down with you

13.  You are the reason why I’m going to die early

Things I Needed To Hear From My Mom:

1.  Are you okay?

2.  What’s wrong?

3.  Do you need help?

4.  You can do it!

5.  Don’t underestimate yourself!

6.  Do you need a hug?

7.  I love you.

My dad chose the same method today too, actually.  And you wonder why I have so little self-confidence.  I’ve tried not to internalize these sort of things for a long time, but she’s my mom.  She’s not some mean, snobby girl from school.  To be perfectly honest, I’ve never met one of those.  No one, in my entire life, has treated me meaner than my mom has.

Lovely thought.

Chathurika